


Daddy Sawtooth

by Omniblacklight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cute and adorable, Gen, Homestuck AU, Pointless, Robots raising the brats, Twin Striders, family life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-06
Updated: 2012-09-06
Packaged: 2017-11-13 17:16:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omniblacklight/pseuds/Omniblacklight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your agreement to take care of the twins that fell from the sky has its ups and downs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daddy Sawtooth

**Author's Note:**

> Forgot to post this from my tumblr (oops), I've meshed both Daddy Sawtooth type things from my tumblr here rather than make them separate chapters.

_What have you gotten yourself into?_

   
  
Stupid, stupid…Idiot. It was mostly Squarewave’s fault, you decided. It was his choppy sweet words that had you agreeing to it.

 

_They can’t care for themselves, lookit their cute little cheeks! Dude it will be awesome, just sit back, rap a lot, and they’ll be all shit and cool. Coolest babies ever. This one is so a Dave. Oh oh the other a Dirk or something. Aw yeah <3   
_

_  
_

So you had agreed to rear the two drooling babies clinging like two peas in a pod to each other that appeared out of nowhere to the teens that couldn’t stop finding ways to tick you off today.

   
All they did was fight. _That’s MY puppet! Fuck you it’s a stupid puppet. That’s it, strife me bro. We’re doing this._ And you were stuck in the middle. You tried not to take sides, that wasn’t the righteous thing to do of course. But you couldn’t help holding a soft spot for Dirk for some reason right away.

 

Often you had thought of leaving them to fend for themselves once they reached the age they could grab things out of the fridge and throw it into a microwave. It sounds bad now but at the time you thought if they could survive a fall from space or wherever they came from they should be able to handle making a sandwich. Besides you doubted Squarewave would leave them and you’d check in _occasionally_. You couldn’t though. Everytime you turned towards the door you felt Dirks eyes on you looking up from whatever he was sewing or building though he never says a word, as if he was expecting you to up and leave his pathetic ass behind and you just couldn’t do it.

   
This Dave though… He was a smartass, trying to act ironic though you often wondered if he understood what the hell he was talking about. He would strife Dirk, then they would argue that one of them had ‘cheated’ until they’d strife again until they were worn out. He would spend hours mixing up music with Squarewave, sometimes you’d hear the floor thump like they were dancing in there. He wouldn’t drink his apple juice if you poured it or if he left it out of his sight for even a minute, he constantly kicked and hacked up Dirk’s puppets, and he had the _weirdest_ eating habits.

   
They were too aggravating together but wouldn’t leave each other alone even for their own sanity. One time you had grounded them and sent them to opposite sides of the apartment, only to see them sneaking around to talk or bicker. It was annoying as hell.

   
Then things got worse. You never thought they could, but they did.

 

The little shits started _liking_ each other.

   
They mimicked mannerisms and personality, what they wore (the style not the exact articles), and started trying to outdo each other in the most childish ways instead of fighting, ways you were certain you did not raise them to learn and you’re pretty sure Squarewave didn’t have anything to do with it because he’s staring at them with as much bewilderment as you are as they see which one of them can eat the most Tabasco sauce before puking.

   
Dave won.

   
But Dave always seemed to have an iron gut, kid could eat about anything without so much as gagging. Dirk had more of the sensitive stomach, suited more for little to no seasonings. For some reason they just seemed to be completely different while alike at the same time. But you knew them too well and, dare you admit it, cared for the little buggers.

 

~~~

 

“Yo Pops,” You look up from sorting the mail and arch a brow. Dave’s standing there, one hand on his hip, his other hand holding out an old dusty scrap book. “Story time. Dorkbro’s waiting, won’t just let us look at it ourselves says you gotta be all memory lane and junk.” Dave’s language is getting worse the older he becomes, but you smile. Hopefully it’s a phase. “Alright…But be prepared..”

 

 You sit between Dave and Dirk on the couch, opening up the cover. There’s snips of their hair in small bags from their first haircut, their first lost tooth, there’s tons of pictures in here, you forgot just how often Squarewave snapped pictures. Boys with bubbles on in their hair sitting stark naked in the tub, holiday pictures, so many..

  

“Oh, this one has a cute story.”

   
 **=First Words=**

“Daddy.” It was jumbled, half giggled half spat out, but to you it was clear as day. Dirk, the precious thing, just called you _Daddy_ and you couldn’t explain what it made you feel.

   
Pride for sure. The kid thought you were father material, not just father material, but ‘Daddy’ material. You couldn’t explain why but you had felt the urge to correct him. You weren’t his father, well, not biologically.

   
But when he’d call you Daddy again and hold his arms up expectantly, with those wide orange eyes of his, you’d lift him without correction and go about your day.

 

Squarewave was thrilled to no end when Dave called him Daddy, having too call friends and update them about the waifs they adopted connecting them to Daddy status after only a few joking remarks.

   
You had only called him Daddy Squarewave as a joke. But you supposed it fit now as rushes to a crying Dave calling for Daddy after tripping down the last stair and scuffing up his knee.

   
He picked a power ranger’s bandaid and when Dirk became jealous you put one on his knee too.

 

~

 

“Every time from then on, if one of you got a bump or scuff or tiny cut you’d both have to have a bandage.. Oh hey, your first alcoholic experience.”

  
**=Teething=**

“ _Dude!_ They won’t stop crying!” Squarewave looks a wreck. It’s 9pm and you’ve just returned from work, exhausted as usual. Both of the tots are curled up against Squarewave’s chest, screaming, their chubby cheeks soggy and red.

   
You reach out to take them from Squarewave and both cling to you just as miserably as they did him. “Okay..Um..” Well, you have them, now what?

   
Squarewave left you to deal with them while he takes a walk, he’s been dealing with two sobbing albino babies for at least three hours now, last he checked the clock it had been almost 7 and he said they were crying well before that, he needed a break.

   
You sit on the couch, cradling them and shooshing them. You’re eyelids are heavy, you just want to go to sleep, but the wailing prevents that. Then you remember something your co-worker said, something about the wife using whiskey or something.

   
Plopping both kids on the couch you venture into the kitchen. Huh, well how about that? Black Velvet whiskey just sitting there, barely used. You pour a glass for yourself on the rocks before returning to the kids. Sitting between them they lean against you and continue to cry, Dave gnawing his little hand until it’s covered with drool, Dirk doing the same to your sleeve.

   
Well, here goes nothing.

   
You dip both index fingers in your whiskey and rub one against Dirk’s gums, one against Dave’s. You repeat the action after they give you this bewildered but all is not better kind of look, then once more for good measure.

   
Squarewave returns to you sipping the horrid whiskey and both boys asleep with their heads in your lap.

   
 _Mission Successful._

~

 

“Bro you’re a mess.” Dirk laughs at the next picture, Dave smeared with bits of fry and apple and bread. “Your eating habits haven’t improved.” Dave jabs him in the arm.

  
**=Solid Food=**

Okay since mashed potatoes and soup have gone relatively well, it was time to see if these mushy babies could eat anything else with their teeth. Dirk had two, Dave already had three and one peeking out through the gums.

   
Fries seemed like the sensible thing, kids love these things. Just in case though, you slice up apples and bananas, squares of sandwich, and set it along-side their sippy cups they finally learned to drink from.

   
Dave goes head first, always the confident quick one, grabbing an apple slice in one hand and three fries in the other, shoving them in his mouth much to Squarewave’s delight.

   
Dirk however was apprehensive of the stick food. He stared at the pieces, then to you, holding his hands out demandingly.

   
“No, you’re not getting a bottle. Try it.” You pretend to nom on a piece of banana, setting it back on his highchair when he wasn’t paying attention, but he doesn’t look too ready to try much so you grab a fry and, when certain Squarewave is too focused on his good little eater you fly it around like an airplane and aim for his lips.

   
Dirk is busy laughing and when you slip the fry into his mouth he gives you this incredulous look but when he starts to chew his eyes light up. In no time he’s eating as quickly as Dave and you are thankful you’ll be boiling less bottles and mixing less formula.

 

~

 

“Wha?!” Dave covers his eyes. “Why do parents dothat?!” There’s a lovely photo of both boys using the potty, little behinds exposed and pants around their ankles.

  
**=Potty Training=**

The boys would have to be potty trained eventually.

   
Thankfully Dirk had walked in on you taking a piss enough times to want to mimic it, and after teaching him the house plant is not the same as a toilet you’ve one less kid with diapers to deal with.

   
Dave however…

   
The rug, the couch, the plants, he even opened up the window and happily peed down the side of the building.

   
He learned  a week before Squarewave signed both up for daycare where to properly go potty..

 

~

 

“I remember that place.” Dirk says, pointing to a brick building with pictures in the window and a well kept garden in the front.

   
 **=Daycare=**

You’re holding Dirk and Squarewave’s holding Dave while the two of you look at this overly colorful building with flowers in the windows and play equipment out back. You’re not sure why you feel so anxious. Daycare is a good thing. Daycares are used by parents all around-wait.

   
 _Parents._

   
You look to Squarewave then to the two kids you’ve raised. Wow, it just sinks in. The two of you are in this for the long haul, you’re parents. Parents should know when to gently push their kids towards others their age, to learn and socialize. But..

 

Four years old, is that too young? Is it too old? Are you sure they’ll fit in, will they have fun? What if they get teased? What if they get hurt?

   
You’re staring at Dirk when a kind woman by the name of Kanaya greets you. She has smears of finger paint in her hair and on her face and clothes, she has a little boy with large square blue rimmed glasses attached to her skirt.

   
“Excuse me, these two wouldn’t happen to be the Striders I’ve been expecting would they?” She’s smiling and you hear children laughing and giggling in the background. Squarewave jabs you in the ribs. When had Dave hopped out of his arms to pester the nerd attached to the daycare teacher?

 

You give Dirk one more look, trying to hide your concern. The woman chuckles. “I bet John would love to show them some magic tricks.” And as she looks down at John you notice his blue eyes light up. Dave laughs and nods, repeating magic over and over again before the two vanish.

   
Reluctantly you hand over Dirk.

   
 _He cries._

   
As Squarewave drives you to work you try to hide the fact you feel like your heart’s breaking.

 

~

 

“We were the coolest kids on that bus.” Dave announced when he seen a picture of the two of them readying to go to school. “Once you stopped crying.” Dirk sniggers.

  
**=First Day of School=**

You knew this day was coming. Really you should be relieved. Someone else would take care of the twins while you and Squarewave could work and rebuild your bank accounts, the two of you could reconnect and be as you were before the twins fell into your world.

   
The two of you stood there at the bus stop beside some older children, two albino kids dressed as pimp as could be standing in front of your knees with shades on, trying to look chill as the yellow bus pulled up.

   
When it came time for them to step onto the bus, Dirk gave a hug and fist bump to the both of you and cautiously stepped on, while ever confident Dave clung to Squarewave and sobbed, begging him to let him start next year. You were surprised, Squarewave ruffled his hair and held his shoulders, telling him he was going to make him so proud because he was a rad lil dude and if he went to school first he may even be a sick dj or movie star, smiling so brightly as Dave reluctantly stepped onto the bus.

   
You’re reminded it’s two of you that are in this together as you watch the bus leave and feel a hand squeeze yours. Squarewave gives you a soft kiss on the cheek and asks if you’re ready to head back home. You nod, though you sulk. Life’s going to be so quiet without them around the entire day.

 

~

 

“And there’s plenty more where that came from..” You start, turning the page. But the phone rings and Squarewave calls out to Dave, John’s on the other end. “Dude your boyfriends on the phone.” Dirk teases and gets another jab in the shoulder before Dave gets up. Dirk leans his head on your shoulder. “We gotta get the one with Dave peeing outside the window enlarged for his birthday or something.” He laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, it's really pointless and another one of those 'what am I even writing' moments but I hope you enjoy it well enough just the same. Thank you for reading!


End file.
